Context, Empathy & A Night at the Opera!
Image from Puccini’s Madame Butterfly courtesy of OperaSpace.org
Many of us think of empathy as “walking in someone’s shoes”, i.e. to experience the emotions or feelings someone else experiences. Sometimes that works, often it does not. Why? The missing element is context. I’ll illustrate what I mean through the metaphor of opera. I hope you learn and are encouraged by two things!
In the work we do at SEEK, empathy is key in eliciting a more complete story from which stronger insights are developed. We identify the “tensions” that compel us to “act”, i.e. find solutions, for the humans with whom we interact—both clients and consumers. But sometimes empathy can be elusive…
Why?
The reason is that we all have our own set of experiences by which we engage with the world, and there are times that those experiences and emotions that come along fully align with what we hear from others. There are also times where the alignment is not quite there or not at all.
The solution: Dig deeper into context
Take a box of chocolate (or pick some other food that comforts you). If I am having a good day, feel good about myself, feel healthy and not too hungry, I may eat one or two pieces. If, on the other hand, I am stressed, upset or hungry, I can assure you the box may not stand a chance. Same box of chocolates, two different behaviors. In this example you may relate to either or both behaviors. It is also possible you may not relate in full, but with the context I provided in the example you are likely to find something within you that relates to it. That is how you attain empathy.
Ready for the opera metaphor?
Hear me out! It is a perfect example to illustrate the importance of context in empathy and how emotions move us… and it is fun! Opera is not intended to be the hoity-toity, inaccessible experience we have been led to believe. Opera is a large body of work that includes text, music, singing, acting, staging, dancing, lighting etc and it is intended for everyone.
Sure, a lot of operas are in different languages, but even those that are in English are not as easy to understand. Fret not, most opera houses offer supertitles. Regardless, although it adds to the experience, understanding the words is not needed. The “known fact” that only 7% of communication is the words we use is very much true in opera. In opera, music IS a main character, usually recruited to convey the composer’s vision of the emotions at hand. Singers bring their own interpretation and convey the emotion through HOW they sing the words and notes they are singing. The end goal is to experience extreme emotions, from sheer joy to utter heartbreak, all resulting in some form of catharsis–and, no, not all operas end tragically (but the good ones usually do!).
Madama Butterfly by Puccini is one of my all time favorites. Simple synopsis: they meet, they fall in love, he leaves, she has his child and waits for him for 3 years, he returns married with another woman and wants to keep his son, she kills herself. Tragic, sure! Relatable? On the surface, no!
Without context, it seems to be the story of an apparently weak and infatuated woman who cannot bear being left by the man she loves and kills herself. It makes your blood boil, sure, to some degree. To our current sensibilities, however, it is hard to relate to and empathize.
What if you look at it with added context, more importantly, what Puccini intended with the music and how it makes us feel? What if the opera is the story of Butterfly’s idealized, internal delicate world clashing with the crude and harsh realities around her; the juxtaposition of what could be vs. what is.
With the added context, we gain the insight that she is a strong woman holding on to what she believes she wants for herself. Sounds more familiar and relevant, right? We may not relate to a 15-year-old geisha, but we all have had convictions and beliefs that sometimes clash with reality. THAT is a tension we know and can feel—THAT is empathy!
And killing herself at the end? She is a mother making the ultimate sacrifice, her life, because her son deserves a better life than what she can give. It is visceral, heart breaking and even as I write this I am tearing up! How many sacrifices parents make for their children? I am not a parent, but I recognize the sacrifices my parents made for my well-being and betterment. How about sacrifices we have made in the name of love? I can relate and feel that—THAT is empathy!
Like this, there are countless fantastic stories with amazing music! Carmen, La Traviata, La Bohème, Aïda to mention a few! If you have been and keep going, you know exactly what I am talking about. If you have not been or seen one, I would love for you to pick one and give yourself that experience.
Empathy matters because it leads to action. Empathy is not just about emotions; context around the story is just as important to help us develop understanding, experience empathy, and make that “human connection” from which amazing insights come. SEEK’s Empathy Training and Red Door program will teach you more about empathy and how to experience it in the context of research. To find out more, please reach out to us! . And if you want to talk about opera or need any recommendations – let me know!